Everybody RUN! IT'S ROBIN THICKE!

Robin Thicke is going to have sex with all of us and there is nothing we can do about it.  

                                        

Censorship isn’t wrong, the criteria just needs correcting.

"Blurred Lines" by Canadian born singer and egomaniacal scumbag Robin Thicke seems to induce larger sideways smiles and jerky motions the whiter you are, and I have had many a Wally Beaver look me straight in the eye and declare emphatically “I love this song”.

My problem, kind reader, is not that this song is so very, very terrible. No, I have endured many a terrible song at the height of its popularity. Like Hercules fighting the Hydra I declared to the world that “hit me baby one more time” was a horrible piece of shit. Like King Leonidas and the 300 I fought off wave after wave of Spice Girls fans as they played with my heart, got lost in the game, ooh baby, baby.

My problem is not with the pop genre as a whole. I am the first to admit when a catchy song catches me, and there is no shame or irony in my volume up, windows down rendition of Pinks, “Just Like a Pill” or my soulful crooning of Taylor Swifts, “Love Story.”

My problem isn’t even the fact that this guy is Alan Thicke’s son, because let’s be honest it DOES take different strokes to move the world. (And I feel kind of bad for wishing several strokes on his son, the turd).

No, my problem with this latest lazy piece of lunacy is the horrific and all-too-obvious misogynistic and rape fuelled overtones that almost every lyric of this song is dripping with. Frankly, I find it deplorable that this idiot is allowed to sing this drivel.

This is not, “I Like Big Butts (And I Cannot Lie)” This is “I Like Big Butts (And I’m going to have sex with you because I want to and there is nothing you can do about it because I’m Robin Thicke)”.

Let’s take it from the start, and perhaps by the last line we can all agree that Canada should formally apologize for breeding this moron.

If you heard this song and dismissed it without much thought I don’t blame you, but if you actually read these lyrics and don’t immediately think, “Christ, what a bag of shit this guy is”, there is no hope for you.  Here we go.

 

 

After the initial hype man chirping at the beginning we have had to come to expect and skipping over the nonsense of the first verse, Alan Jr. mumbles this pre-chorus into the microphone:

 

OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you

 But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature

 Just let me liberate you.

               

Translation:

You had a boyfriend, but you broke up.

I’ve known all along that you are a whore.

 I am going to demonstrate this fact to you.

 

Well, thank God for that, right ladies? You haven’t been able to make decisions parallel to your nature until ROBIN THICKE came into your life. You are saved, hallelujah!

 

Then the chorus, this is when Robin tells you he’s going to rape you:

 

And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl

 I know you want it

 I know you want it

 I know you want it

 You're a good girl

 Can't let it get past me

 You're far from plastic

 Talk about getting blasted

 I hate these blurred lines

 

Translation:

 Don’t pretend to be a “good girl” that doesn’t want to have sex with me.

 You want to have sex with me.

You can’t resist my charms.

 Who could resist my charms?

Don’t play hard to get.

 You can’t fool me, everyone wants some of this.

I find you sexually attractive, you’re welcome.

 I might drug you, or I already have.

I dislike that you have not yet told me how badly you want me.

 

You know what, after writing that, I have changed my mind. Robin Thicke shouldn’t be censored, he should be arrested. Let’s continue, shall we?

 

I know you want it

 I know you want it

 I know you want it

 But you're a good girl

 The way you grab me

 Must wanna get nasty

 Go ahead, get at me

 

Translation:

 You are a girl, so you’re probably a slut.

You have to want me, I’m me.

Every girl wants some of the Thicke.

But you’re not a slut right? Ha, yeah sure.

We are dancing which in my twisted, moronic world view is a symbol of sexual consent.

Sure, I’ll have sex with you, you’re welcome.

 

                This has to be some sort of joke, right? Satire in its most disguised form? Please somebody tell me I missed something, because as it stands right now this guy should be shot. The worst part is that wasn’t even the worst part. Here we go again, flip on the flux capacitor and let’s go back to 1955, except there’s no George McFly to save us from Biff this time.

 

What do they make dreams for

 When you got them jeans on

 What do we need steam for

 You the hottest bitch in this place

 I feel so lucky

 Hey, hey, hey

 You wanna hug me

 Hey, hey, hey

 What rhymes with hug me?

 Hey, hey, hey

 

 

Translation:

The clothes your wearing are a sign that you will have sex with me.

You are sexually attractive. You like to be degraded. You’re welcome.

I’m so glad I’m the one I assume you’ve chosen to sleep with.

Hey, hey, hey

You want to have sex with me, that wasn’t a question.

Hey, hey, hey

Was I not clear? You definitely want to have sex with me.

Hey, hey, hey

 

I… I just… ugh… This is so rapey. At least that uncle that always made you slightly uncomfortable was subtle.

 

After that dross, it all gets repeated until we hit the third verse, I don’t know about you but today seems like a pretty good day to sit in your shower, rocking back and forth screaming “UNCLEAN!” at the top of your lungs. Am I right? Huh? Yeah. Here we go!

 

One thing I ask of you

 Let me be the one you back that ass to

 Go, from Malibu, to Paris, boo

 Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you

 So hit me up when you passing through

 I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two

 

Translation:

I’m going to ask for something, which is nice of me, right?

Dance with me, because like I said that means you want sex.

I once had a woman to objectify and be mean to, you are a bigger slut than she was.

Call me when you are in town after we have sex because

I WANT TO HAVE PAINFUL DAMAGING ANAL SEX WITH YOU.

 

Yeah, he said that. In fact, if you are shocked by my translation of that last line please note that the imagery stirred up in the actual lyric of the song is far more graphic, explicit and generally horrible than the literal translation of what this man is singing about. Can we PLEASE put a hurting on this misogynistic asswipe? Good God.

 

 

 

 Swag on, even when you dress casual

 I mean it's almost unbearable

 In a hundred years not dare, would I

 Pull a Pharside let you pass me by

 Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you

 He don't smack that ass and pull your hair like that

 

Translation:

I’d probably still have sex with you if you weren’t wearing a slutty dress, you’re welcome.

I’m having a tough time not having sex with you so if we could get this going that would be great

There is pretty much no way I’m not going to have sex with you tonight whatever you do

I know the last person you were with probably treated you with respect, what a loser.

 

 

 So I just watch and wait for you to salute

 But you didn't pick

 Not many women can refuse this pimpin'

 I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me

 

 

Translation:

I’m pretty confident this is going to happen.

You didn’t choose me

But you are going to get me regardless

I’m a nice guy (no you aren’t Robin, you are a fucking asshole) but I’m not going to be nice to you.

 

Here comes the bridge. The bridge to where?  I don’t know, but here is comes anyway, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Shake the vibe, get down, get up

 Do it like it hurt, like it hurt

 What you don't like work?

 

Translation:

Do what I tell you.

I prefer sex when I think you are in pain.

This probably won’t be pleasant for you.

 

DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

 

Baby can you breathe? I got this from Jamaica

 It always works for me, Dakota to Decatur, uh huh

 No more pretending

 Hey, hey, hey

 Cause now you winning

 Hey, hey, hey

 Here's our beginning

 

 

 

Translation:

Hey, what's the matter? Oh this? Yeah I definitely drugged you.

I have drugged girls all over America.

I have taken off the mask, however thin it was, of not being an evil piece of shit, and now I am going full on evil piece of shit.

Hey , Hey, Hey

Lucky you.

Hey, Hey, Hey

This isn’t over yet it has only just begun.

 

 

Thanks a lot Robin, you are a real poet. Now perhaps you don’t get all the blame, you may not have even written these lyrics but I couldn’t be bothered to check. Whoever did will go to one of the worst circles of douchebag hell (that’s a special hell just for douchebags) with you.

 

In conclusion I think I speak for most of the thinking, thumb using world when I say:

Go fuck yourself, you’re going to have to, women everywhere have been warned, and they are armed with mace. Special mace that only works on Canadian rapists.








http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/09/17/from-the-mouths-of-rapists-the-lyrics-of-robin-thickes-blurred-lines-and-real-life-rape/